Exposure therapy again tomorrow.
More like torture therapy.
More like torture therapy.
wonder what he will put me on this time?
I don’t want to have to start all over again.
I found this interesting:
“Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and schizophrenia have a good amount of things in common. “Although OCD and schizophrenia are distinct diagnostic entities, there is considerable overlap between the two disorders in terms of clinical characteristics, brain areas that are affected and pharmacotherapy”
” Among patients with chronic OCD, the odds of schizotypy are substantially increased with early age of OCD onset, male gender, counting compulsions and a history of a specific phobia.”
Source:http://www.schizophrenia.com/sznews/archives/002116.html
A guess I had some sort of break through yesterday in therapy. We were talking about why it would be so awful for me to touch a door knob. The obvious answer is the germs, but she meant why are the germs so bad. After talking out loud about it I realized why I don’t want other people’s germs:
If I allow myself to get other people’s germs from touching them then I feel like I am allowing myself to be put in danger and in an uncomfortable place. I also stated that by touching door knobs ect, I feel like everyone that has touched it is touching me without my permission. So by exposing myself to these things ( door knobs, people, bathrooms) I am volunteering myself. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel violated. I don’t want others to touch me because I feel that they are violating me.
This lead to my therapist asking if I have ever had intimacy problems that could have lead to why I might think like this. Which freaked me out because in my last relationship I was making myself have sex with my ex boyfriend only because I didn’t want to upset him even though I didn’t feel attracted to him anymore and I didn’t want him even coming near me.
Basically I’m a mess.
In my last therapy session I talked to my therapist about how when I check something I feel like I’m not really seeing it. As if my eyes don’t work properly. Like say if I’m making sure my alarm says am instead of pm, I almost feel like when I look at it I can’t see that it says am, and then I question myself if I actually saw it. Anyone else have this issue?
My mom had some funny questions for me to ask him though such as:
Is holding my pee going to affect my kidneys?
Is the hand sanitizer going to affect my blood alcohol content.
She’s a funny character.
