I went to my old studio because my friend was in town and wanted to see everyone. So I had to get hugged by everyone who doesn’t know I have OCD. Worst of all, the director of the studio has herpes. I had to deal with her hugging me without just wanting to start screaming.
I know that it’s impossible to catch an std that way. But I felt so dirty and I feel disgusting.
I just was in the shower for almost 2 hours, and an hour of that was just washing my hair repeatedly.
I can’t even sleep in my bed tonight because I still feel so dirty.
I just want to scream.
I’m really tired but I need to shower first. I know I’m going to have to wash my hair like 5 times and clean the rest of my self at least 3 -___- then tomorrow I have to get up to see a new therapist, where I’ll have to re-explain everything about me having ocd. Then I’ll have to spend the whole day feeling dirty.
On top if it all I have my period which means dealing with more unnecessary grossness.
Harold and Gerald are in the bathroom and of course I notice that neither of them use soap to wash their hands.
I mean they’re a fucking cartoon and it still annoys me.
I have issues.
But when I go into the bathroom in my house and its disgusting looking, I can’t take it. Why doesn’t anyone one in my family clean up after themselves or put the toilet seat down. Why do I have to be tortured in my own home.
Today I had to change:
If I feel that something gets too dirty I need to take it off.
The withdrawal from my meds has made me really dizzy, I almost fainted today, and now I’m terrified that I will faint in the shower at my dorm. If that happened I would hyperventilate to death.
Too many people, too many germs.
I think it’s probably because I don’t feel that my hands are clean enough to put something in my mouth, or I don’t want to touch the bottle because I feel it’s dirty.
I don’t want to seem rude so I do it even though I feel so dirty afterwards and have to wash my hands.