CAN I PLEASE JUST HAVE ONE FUCKING DAY WHERE THINGS ACTUALLY GO DECENTLY. NOT EVEN GOOD. JUST DECENT. I JUST WANT ONE DAY WHERE I DIDN’T WISH I WAS DEAD.
I’m so frustrated for so many reasons.
First of all:
I feel like it’s pointless for me to tell my friends what’s going on with me. At first everyone was so concerned and what not, and now, I tell them things and it’s like they don’t even get phased. They don’t get that when I say I’m suicidal that I really am, when I say I have PTSD, they look confused. Idk what to do. I know that sometimes people just wont understand and there’s nothing that I can do about that. But I feel like what is the point anymore. Things are getting really hard and I just can’t take the constant anxiety 24/7.
Second:
It’s really hard when I try to tell people about how lonely I feel and that I wish I wasn’t single or at least could feel that even if I met guy who was interested I would be able to have a normal relationship. My friends get to fuck whoever they want and keep telling me the right guy will come along. You don’t know that, so stop telling me that. I’m not like any of you who if they are feeling lonely they can hit up a guy and have sex with them. I can’t offer a guy that and I sure as hell know I’m not going to find a guy who wants me for my “great personality”. Even when I was seeing someone who I had been seeing on and off for years, he didn’t understand. At first he was nice about everything, and caring, and didn’t push me. Then after a while, if I said get out of my shirt, or stop, he wouldn’t. He knew I had OCD and that I was molested, but still, he would keep going after I said no on many occasions. So maybe it’s pointless for me to even want a guy. I have too much baggage, and no one wants to get to know me unless it means they will get sex out of it.
So basically, I’m at a loss. Maybe if I don’t make it through this, people will see my blog and know what I was going through.
The people in group make me anxious. As in their actions, their anxieties rub off on me and make me more anxious. If someone is fidgeting it makes me crazy.
I will be starting an iop program tomorrow. Three hours a day three days a week.
It’s been decided that I will be admitted to a hospital when school is over.
So my Mom is having an appointment with my therapist and psychiatrist at school so they can talk about how bad I’m getting. Should be interesting.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ‘til the moment I’m gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down.
You’re keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
Sara Bareillis
The toilet from hell.
So yesterday my toilet decided to overflow -___- and no one was home except for me. So I had to be the one to clean it up. I’m proud of myself for doing it, but at the same time my anxiety levels were out the roof after I was done.
I keep worrying that when people speak they are going to spit while they talk and it’s going to hit me.
Q
Can you explain "grounding" i really need a good technique rite now to calm me down
Anonymous
A
http://ocdestroyed.tumblr.com/post/27342921775/grounding there you go, I really hope that it helps you!!! Try doing all three, different techniques work better/worse for certain people
Q
Are there any techniques you do that help you with your ocd ?
Anonymous
A
Breathing really helps, it sounds cliche and stupid but it really does help to calm me down. I also use “grounding” it’s a technique that my therapist taught me. I have a post on it :)
This is the one that happened yesterday, it’s not that big, but it was pretty deep.
Just had a panic attack in the shower.
I went to the bathroom and didn’t feel clean after =/ I was in the shower and scrubbing profusely and the water was really hot. I started to hyperventilate and combined with practically drowning myself in the water I almost passed out. My hands went numb and I was seeing spots. I’m still shaking…
