I’m so frustrated for so many reasons.
First of all:
I feel like it’s pointless for me to tell my friends what’s going on with me. At first everyone was so concerned and what not, and now, I tell them things and it’s like they don’t even get phased. They don’t get that when I say I’m suicidal that I really am, when I say I have PTSD, they look confused. Idk what to do. I know that sometimes people just wont understand and there’s nothing that I can do about that. But I feel like what is the point anymore. Things are getting really hard and I just can’t take the constant anxiety 24/7.
It’s really hard when I try to tell people about how lonely I feel and that I wish I wasn’t single or at least could feel that even if I met guy who was interested I would be able to have a normal relationship. My friends get to fuck whoever they want and keep telling me the right guy will come along. You don’t know that, so stop telling me that. I’m not like any of you who if they are feeling lonely they can hit up a guy and have sex with them. I can’t offer a guy that and I sure as hell know I’m not going to find a guy who wants me for my “great personality”. Even when I was seeing someone who I had been seeing on and off for years, he didn’t understand. At first he was nice about everything, and caring, and didn’t push me. Then after a while, if I said get out of my shirt, or stop, he wouldn’t. He knew I had OCD and that I was molested, but still, he would keep going after I said no on many occasions. So maybe it’s pointless for me to even want a guy. I have too much baggage, and no one wants to get to know me unless it means they will get sex out of it.
So basically, I’m at a loss. Maybe if I don’t make it through this, people will see my blog and know what I was going through.